I Don’t Know If I Can Finish My Studies But I Continue to Step Forward

Hello everyone! I just wanted to share some of the things that went through my mind during my first three years in college. These are my anxieties, my doubts, my complaints, questions about my capabilities and my path. I’m an incoming fourth year student at the University of the Philippines, Diliman, studying BA Art Studies minor in Film and I can’t even believe that I made it this far. Each year in my college life is a test to my belief. I have so many reasons to give up studying and just let go of everything.  But I continue to trust what I don’t understand and not quit when depression comes. Below are the 2 reasons why I could have given up my studies, yet I didn’t.

1. I want to help my family financially

 

When I told my parents that I got accepted to UP, the first thing that they said to me was, “Kaya ba? Wala tayong pera pang bayad ng tuition o kahit pang allowance. Itutuloy mo ba?” I didn’t even know what to say after hearing that. There are so many things that are running into my mind and I just went to bed pretending to sleep but actually crying. Thinking that if I stop, I can apply for work and just financially help my family. But something pops into my mind telling me that there is something greater. I wanted to make my parents proud and give them so much more by pursuing and finishing college and have a better job to help them. So I told them the next day that I’ll confirm my slot and study in UP even though I don’t know where to get money for my tuition and allowance. But God is faithful. When I discovered and applied for the Socialized Tuition System of UP, I got accepted for bracket E2 with free tuition and stipend and also found some sponsors. So my college life started.

 

If I decided to stop studying after what my parents said, and turned back, I may not have found the way to college. Yes maybe it’s a little bit different for me because the school is UP with a different system, but the lesson is the same. Trust what you believe in. Never turn back and just continue moving forward no matter what the pace.

 

1. I don’t know if I still can

 

Now that I’m in college, struggles continue to grow. I can’t deny the fact that reaching the end is the toughest. I always ask myself, “kaya mo pa ba? Mahal mo pa ba inaaral mo? Ga-graduate ka pa kaya?” Again I doubted if I can really finish my studies and if I can get enough money to help me continue studying. I don’t know if I can still pass all my subjects next year especially that my subjects are getting harder and time consuming for a student like me who procrastinates a lot. I don’t know if I can really finish my thesis and graduate on time. But here’s the thing. It’s not about what you don’t know, it’s about what you know. And what I know is that I can finish what I started. What I know is that I can still graduate no matter what even if I stay for seven years in UP. What I know is that it’s not about how I started the race, it’s about how I finish the race and focusing on the ultimate goal, and it is to graduate and help my parents.

 

Being a student does not only mean that you should just pass every required units. It mainly teaches us how to be persistent no matter what and overcoming many trials with the right attitude. This is where we should know more about life lessons and not just about our required subject (which we even forget). You don’t know how great the reward is by just making a step of faith in every single trial and not turning back.

 

But all of these things will become a heavy burden without loving what you are about to learn in every step you make.

“Success in no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do.” -Pele

 

#WIMtern

 

WIMtern Task 1: Introduce your self and why you’re a good fit for When In Manila

This is me, this is who I am, and this is my identity.

This is Edwin Cayago Aruta Jr. Also known as Edge. At first glance, most of the people see this person as unfriendly, innocent-looking, or a mysterious person. Unfriendly, maybe because he only talks occasionally in public and most of the people observe that he doesn’t take the initiative to introduce his self to a new person. Most people also say that he has an innocent looks. Probably because of the eyebrows and a young looking face? And a mysterious guy, as some of his friends told him that they’ve been curious about this person when he was still a stranger to them. What is your first impression?

Now, let me take you into a closer get-to-truly-know about Edge.

Hi! My name is Edwin. But you can call me Edge if you like. I’m a third-year student of the University of the Philippines in Diliman and currently taking BA Art Studies (Interdisciplinary), minor in film. My course demand lots of writings like research, critique, art and film reviews etc. and it makes me crazy because of the tons of papers that I have to submit in my major classes especially during midterms and finals. Despite of this crazy loads of writing, I can still manage to pass because of the interest that I have about the topic of my papers and I get to learn more things and discover new ideas.

I don’t still have a blog… or experienced writing reviews about a restaurant. I only write at the notes of my Facebook just to express my ideas and emotions and publish them privately. Or chat my friends about a food that I tried and share to them my thoughts about the food and the place where it is served.

I am just a simple person with a simple dream, and it is to make my dreams come true. I’m from a family who doesn’t have much. I even have worries enrolling every semester thinking if I can get the lowest bracket in the Socialized Tuition System of UP because I may not be able to continue my studies if I don’t get a free tuition. Our financial crisis has been my anxiety but at the same time, my motivation to push harder to realize my dream of becoming successful in my field and give my parents the life that they deserve. Of course, my dreams will not be realized without the help of my friends, people around me, and most especially, My Father in Heaven, my God.

I’m actually a friendly person. And I’d love to have more friends and family around me. When my friends begin to tell their first impression to me, they will usually say, “Akala ko nung una suplado ka, sobrang friendly mo pala.” Even though I’m already used with those first-impressions, I can’t still help myself not to get shocked. Maybe because of the fact that I am an ambivert type of person and predominantly introvert. Yet, I’m excited to meet new people and friends if I get accepted as an intern for the writing team in When In Manila. I could easily adapt in my environment especially if I feel that it is a good community. I could also adjust and become flexible with my surroundings and the situation that is taking place.

I may not have so much experience about writing blogs or articles in the internet, I still have the necessary skills and personality to fit as an intern for When In Manila: I’ve been trained a lot about writing reviews and critics in my major classes, I have the passion and motivation to get better, I desire to share and help other people by reading what I wrote, I believe in team work or synergy, we share the same passion on telling the story of our own culture and identity as a nation. In other words, why I am a good fit for when in Manila? Because I love to share my stories. Most especially, the story of my beloved country.

This is me, this is who I am, and this is my identity.

#WIMtern #Task1 #WhenInEdge,

#WhenInManila, #EdWinInManila

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